My Only Holiday Wish #IfIWereHome

I should know.  I have two teenagers and a nine year old and as I look at them, I wonder how could they have grown up that fast.   It may not have seemed that way when my newborn eldest cried all night (and the night seemed forever), or when my then two-year old second child would refuse to drink her milk (because she preferred a different brand which was unfortunately out of stock), or when my then three-year old would suddenly play hide and seek at the mall. 

I am happy that my kids are growing up to be well-adjusted happy kids. I do have my share of the occasional teen-age angst and stubbornness, though and I start questioning my parenting style.  My endless challenge (as well as the challenge of all moms out there) is how to create a wonderful relationship with my kids because being always there for them, guiding and standing by them, is the foundation for their emotional well-being.

As a working mom, I always have that guilty,  #IfIWereHome feeling that I am always missing out on something.  I feel crushed when I have to miss Adrian’s fieldtrips and send my cousin to go with him instead (“I am O.K. naman, Mama.  Other kids don’t have their moms din.”), when Nicole goes home crying and can’t talk to me because I have to finish some reports and when Paula needs to talk about how exciting her day went and would talk to her cousins instead.

And that’s not all.  Leaving them at home constantly worries me.  They are responsible kids, I know, but I still stress over them watching too much TV and not doing their homework, playing XBox 360 for six hours straight, or heating the food and forgetting about it. I stress over them not being responsible enough and leaving unwashed dishes, forgetting to feed and walk the dog, and not tidying up their bedrooms.

And worrying about them constantly affects my work productivity as well.  I sometimes sneak a text during office meetings asking my cousin to check on the children because they are not answering my calls. I have to drive home just to check on them and making sure they  are okay and driving back to work again.  Add to that the scary stories on TV and social media and the reality that the kids may be anxious about me being away, and I start wishing I am a stay-at-home mom instead.

Keeping my children safe, comfortable and connected with me and their dad is my top priority and my only wish these holidays.  Of course, I won’t be checking out how they are doing from time to time since I also need to teach them how to be independent and self-reliant.  I just need something to give me the assurance that they are doing fine, are safe at home and if they  need me, I would always be available for them.

Because nothing can make up for the absence of a close relationship with my kids.  Building a closer bond and staying connected will help me raise secure, self-confident, responsible children.