Last Updated on April 13, 2017 by Marie Bautista
The following is a post shared by Allen Miller. I am sure you mommies have an experience with parents who cannot (or refuse) to believe that their children are so sweet they won’t ever do something naughty…Back when I was in kindergarten, I was bullied by a sweet-looking girl whose mom believes that her daughter is so sweet that she-the mom- ended up scolding my babysitter for informing the teacher of her daughter’s behavior. Have you encountered these parents?
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| “Angry Little Boy by David Castillo via FreeDigital Photos |
For some parents, the idea that their children are anything less than perfect is one so foreign that it cannot even be entertained. These parents will make any number of excuses for their kids’ misbehavior, both as justification and out of fear that bad behavior is a reflection of their parenting skills. Though the specifics may differ from time to time, these are ten of the most basic excuses parents make when their children behave badly.
- “He’s Gifted” – Attributing bad behavior to an enhanced intellectual capacity is a common excuse for some parents, ostensibly because it’s easier to believe that a gifted child is acting out as a result of his intelligence rather than a lack of discipline.
- “She’s Just Bored” – Blaming a lack of stimulation for kids’ misbehavior is a go-to excuse for some parents, especially when children are in the company of adults and stripped of their favorite diversions. Shifting the blame away from a badly-behaved child and placing it on adults that have somehow failed to provide sufficient entertainment is often seen as an acceptable reaction, because it implies that the child’s behavior is not the fault of a parent or the child herself.
- “He’s Not Feeling Well” – Attributing a temper tantrum or severe acting out to an illness or general malaise can seem like an iron-clad excuse. After all, who isn’t cranky when they’re feeling under the weather?
- “It’s Not Her Fault” – Some parents will grasp at any available straw in order to place the blame for bad behavior at the feet of another. Desperate parents will ascribe responsibility to anyone other than the child or their parenting tactics, preferring instead to paint another as the culprit.
- “He Has ADD” – Attention Deficit Disorder is a very real affliction, and it can make behaving difficult for children that suffer from it. Still, it’s also a very convenient scapegoat when kids are particularly difficult, and one that an embarrassed parent might prefer to blame.
- “She’s Just a Kid” – More permissive parenting styles allow kids to behave in any manner they see fit, asserting that their little one is “just a child” who shouldn’t be held responsible for a refusal to follow the rules.
- “I Don’t Want to Be the Bad Guy” – Particularly prevalent among divorced parents hoping to curry favor with their children, an aversion to being the strong disciplinarian is far from uncommon. In some cases, these parents will readily admit to their reluctance to set and enforce clear boundaries.
- “I Want Her Childhood to be Better Than Mine” – When an adult who was raised in a particularly strict, overly-authoritarian household starts a family, a determination to avoid those restrictive rules and oppressive environments they encountered can move them in a completely different direction.
- “He’s a Picky Eater” – Kids aren’t always known for their adventurous palates, but there are those that will throw terrible tantrums if they’re presented with food that’s unfamiliar to them. Falling back on the justification that their child is simply “picky” can feel like a reasonable excuse, though the tantrum itself tends to be an indicator of an overall lack of discipline.
- “Boys Will Be Boys” – The rambunctious antics of young boys are often unfairly dismissed with a comment about boys being boys, as it’s socially accepted in some circles for boys to misbehave on principal in ways that little girls should not.
It’s important for parents to understand the vast difference between sticking up for a child that’s been wrongly accused of something and making excuses in an attempt to justify misbehavior. Making those excuses only passes along the message to kids that it’s okay to make bad choices, as long as they have an excuse for that behavior and can explain it away. Though it’s far more difficult to acknowledge bad behavior for what it is and insist that a child accept responsibility for his actions, it will pay off in the long run.
My son was too active for his own good when he was in Nursery and I was really afraid that he would misbehave then. I remembered he bit a little girl in the back and I was only too apologetic to the Mom so I really gave the mom a gift!
Interestingly, the little girl and my son went to different schools in Kindergarten and when they encountered each other again in First year High School through Friendster (while I was watching him chat!), the little girl asked my son, "Do you still remember me? We were best friends in Nursery!!!"
Interesting, right! We sometimes think the worst but for kids sometimes it is just a game!
aww, that's sweet. sometimes, its hard to predict what is really on their minds. may be we just need to talk & listen to them more.. most of the time, kids misbehave bec they are really looking for attention or perhaps misunderstood.
Parents make excuses because their children's bad behavior reflects on them. They are actually excusing themselves I think. I have a friend who keeps saying that she raised her children well, disciplined, well behaved, respectful, etc. We chanced upon them at the mall one time and while my friend and I chatted hurriedly to cram catching up in just a few minutes, this well behaved, respectful 15 year old boy kept saying Mom let's go, mom lets go, mom lets go over and over and over that I kept trying to end the conversation na. I understand if the kid is 5 or 8 or even 10. But 15? I kept quiet na lang.
There are some kids that really act differently from home and outside. It's really bothering that some parents does not know that their kids were like this.
I don't usually tolerate when my kid act up. I want her to grow up with good manners and right conduct. I would blame myself more if she misbehaves in public.
You're right, I usually hear these excuses. Bad behaviors shouldn't be tolerated.
I'm glad I never heard those excuses from my parents when I was growing up. Either I was a well-behaved child or they were disciplinary parents hehe. On the other hand, I also don't want to tolerate my baby when he acts up – when he grows a little older, of course. 🙂