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Turn on the TV and you will notice how most commercials play up scenes of moms expressing their love for their babies (but, of course, with the advertiser’s product flashing not far behind). One ad shows a tear-jerking scene of a new mom’s first sight of her child. Another shows mom devotedly massaging her infant. And another shows a mom lovingly putting diapers on her baby.
Instead of feeling these TV ads, you ask yourself:
What if I don’t love my baby???
That was my reaction.
But this can happen.
Some moms may not love their baby the first time they see her.
They do not feel the bond the first time for a number of reasons. But as studies show, instant connection does not assure permanent closeness. Instant connection should also not be the basis for closeness.
For some new moms, the feeling of closeness is not always the reaction the mother has for her child. In many cases, the mother feels distant and is not totally in love with her baby for the following reasons:
This is a hormonal condition that occurs during pregnancy or within a year after delivery and is the most common complication after delivery.
The age of the mother.
She may be overwhelmed or not yet emotionally mature to handle the responsibilities of motherhood.
Circumstances before baby’s birth.
Certain events may be affecting the mother’s emotional and mental state. This may include, for example, the fact that baby was born out of forced sex or rape; the mother’s family is against the pregnancy or the father of the child; or the father of the child has abandoned or separated with the mother.
To avoid this feeling of being distant from the baby, doctors usually give the baby right away to the mother so she could hold the baby and bond with him. As studies and experience show, touch, communication, and time is still the formula to bond with your child. The feeling of instant connection upon the child’s birth does not assure anyone of the permanent closeness, nor should it be the basis for closeness.
Instant connection, as well as distance, is an initial emotional feeling. Thankfully for those who did not connect instantly, this has no direct effect on the child since his needs at this stage are more physical than emotional. Eventually, this feeling of being distant from your child will give way to your natural motherly love.