{Money Mondays} When Couples Fight Over Money

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Last Updated on March 17, 2021 by Marie Bautista

The early years of being married may bliss, but then, this happens – when couples fight over money.

Money is one of the top reasons couple fight, but, from a CPA mom, take my advice. You don’t have to fight over money.

This should be your priority before getting married!

I have been receiving countless questions on my e-mail since I started my “Money Mondays”,

One of my readers wrote:

(Sineseryoso na ako!)

“I have been married for just over a year. It was pure bliss during the first months, but now, all we talk and fight about are bills (My Note: Bliss-Bills. I should add that up into my son’s antonyms list!). I absolutely hate it when he goes out with his barkada and spends most of his salary on payday nights! He doesn’t even give me half of what he earns. I am left paying the bills and buying groceries because he always runs out of money. I am getting tired of this set-up, but whenever I bring up my issue, he absolutely refuses to talk about
it!”

When couples fight, money usually is the issue.

This case is probably not exclusive to my reader and her husband. I know friends who separated because of money issues and failing to sort out those money issues.

Don’t fall in love and fail to care about money. It could get complicated.

Falling in love is fun and quite simple. Being madly in love makes you think you can conquer the world. I know so because when The Vince and I were going out, we did not care about money. We never even talked about money! (“Love Will Keep Us Alive ang peg namin!)

But, sooner or later, money comes in and will turn love into a complicated business.

However, couples end up getting married and are confronted with money issues.

Talking about finances, even before you get married, should be a priority.

Doing this can fix your money issues.

Is there any way to fix this?

Yup, couples can fix this by having a good talk.

I have seen couples’ futures being destroyed because of money issues, but TALK can save marriages.

But before sitting down with your partner for a heart to heart, keep a few things in mind.

Money issues are not really about money. It is about attitude towards money.

She shops too much.

He is too kuripot.
He is so irresponsible.

She is so uptight.

Attitude has its roots on how one was brought up and childhood events.

Once you understand and accept your partner’s attitude, you will know what to say and to listen to when you guys sit down and sort things out.

Suze Orman, one of my favorite financial icons, emphasized: “Put people first, money second.”

Prioritize your relationship before money.

People’s attitudes and fears about money give it power – power to weaken the most important relationship in their lives.

You may be freaking out because you discovered that your spouse is irresponsible with money. That often makes you forget how good he is with the children, or how he always gives you flowers, or how he never fails to remember your anniversary (I honestly know some guys who do forget their anniversaries!).

So keep a good perspective. You can break the power of money over your relationship by putting people first.

Ideally, couples should discuss money issues long before they become serious about the relationship.

Money matters seem insignificant and too important at the same time, so they don’t talk about it. The silence is money’s first power over couples.

Break that power by discussing money. I’m talking about honestly divulging real weaknesses and not trying to impress each other. Couples should go beyond discussing paycheck sizes.

On your time alone with your partner, try to talk about what things tick you off.

Could it be barkada night outs that are not in the budget?
Or buying frivolous and expensive items with money meant for groceries?
Investing without consulting?
Unpaid bills?

Honesty is the one thing that will make this work. Be honest enough also to recognize your own personal faults.

Talk things out. Now that you have a stake in each other, all those “little” things you did when you were single will be magnified ten times in your marriage. Over time, they will irk your partner even more. That is why expectations must be set and kinks ironed out by both of you in an open-minded discussion.

Some more points to keep in mind:

It takes time to change attitudes, so be patient. No two persons are alike when it comes to
money.
Listen and understand attitudes rather than zero in on actions that annoy you. Keep an open perspective.
Know what you want in the end. This makes it easier to be more responsible in the beginning. Start by reading about personal finance.
Have a financial safety net.

Arguments are hottest when things don’t go well. Being prepared with at least three months of your salary (if you are employed) or at least six months (if you are an entrepreneur) stashed away in a bank account, takes off the heat when there are sudden emergencies. It also gives you a goal you can work for, and an excuse to monitor each other’s spending without being judgmental.

(You can start investing, too! You can join me at the Truly Rich Club because they are incredible in teaching and guiding people on how to invest for the future and be rich financially and spiritually. )

This is stark reality.

If you don’t clear up your money issues now, it will be an obstacle in your relationship in the future.

That’s a tragedy because money can be a source of real happiness too – especially when couples put people first; money only second.

I was having a clueless moment, thus the photos, all grabbed from Google.