Last Updated on April 13, 2017 by Marie Bautista
A year ago,
my hero, my Papa, has fallen down and has gotten a pair of angel wings.
my hero, my Papa, has fallen down and has gotten a pair of angel wings.
He left
after a valiant fight. He won over the
sepsis that almost consumed him, but lost to a new infection that his frail body
cannot conquer anymore.
after a valiant fight. He won over the
sepsis that almost consumed him, but lost to a new infection that his frail body
cannot conquer anymore.
As he
lay there, I whispered to his ear, “I don’t want to let you go. I want you to fight, but if you can’t take it
anymore, Papa, I am letting you go. Go
towards the light. Go to Mama. She is waiting for you.”
lay there, I whispered to his ear, “I don’t want to let you go. I want you to fight, but if you can’t take it
anymore, Papa, I am letting you go. Go
towards the light. Go to Mama. She is waiting for you.”
I knew
he heard me. As opposed to his three
near deaths in the hospital, this time he wanted to go. He was giving up the fight to meet his lady on
the other side.
he heard me. As opposed to his three
near deaths in the hospital, this time he wanted to go. He was giving up the fight to meet his lady on
the other side.
As they
tried to revive him (my brother’s order-who was on his way home from Manila-
was to revive him so that he can see him before he dies), I told him to “Go,
Papa!”
tried to revive him (my brother’s order-who was on his way home from Manila-
was to revive him so that he can see him before he dies), I told him to “Go,
Papa!”
I
imagined him giving my mom a warm hug-The woman he told me he missed so bad
days before we had to bring him to the hospital.
imagined him giving my mom a warm hug-The woman he told me he missed so bad
days before we had to bring him to the hospital.
I
imagined him being strong and healthy and handsome, not the man with tubes
inserted in his body (and which he hated so much), meeting my beautiful mom who
must be in the pink suit I saw her wearing in a dream where she told me she is
marrying my papa again.
imagined him being strong and healthy and handsome, not the man with tubes
inserted in his body (and which he hated so much), meeting my beautiful mom who
must be in the pink suit I saw her wearing in a dream where she told me she is
marrying my papa again.
They
must be standing in front of Jesus now.
must be standing in front of Jesus now.
Please
don’t tell me not to cry, because it does not mean I am not letting my hero
go. I am crying because I miss him so
bad…
don’t tell me not to cry, because it does not mean I am not letting my hero
go. I am crying because I miss him so
bad…
Related post: Happy Birthday, Mama!
My condolences Ms Marie…
thank you so much, Claire
My condolences. I somehow know how it feels because my mom just went to Jesus 8 months ago. It's okay to cry, really…
Thanks, Chin chin!
I hope you're feeling better after all the crying because one thing is sure, life has to go on. Just be strong and courageous.
Condolences, Marie… Knowing your dad is with your mom is somehow a comfort.
Thanks, Cym! Words of comfort from all of you, my BC bloggers family, is helping me cope with the pain
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thanks, sweetie
I am sorry to hear about your loss Marie. In time you will realize he never really left and that we have the rest of our lives to live it with purpose and direction just as our parents wanted us to be.
Btw it is okay to cry.
Oh, Sarah. Thank you so much. In A Walk to Remember, the guys said the girl (cant remember their names) "is like the wind". He doesn't see her, but he can feel her. That's what I think about my dad and my mom, too…
My condolences to the whole family. Cry your heart out my dear then after that happily send you dad to your mom who's waiting for him in the next world with Jesus.
thank you, Jan. I probably cried buckets especially on the first day. I was on denial for like a few days and would barely go and see him at the funeral home (I go only in the early morning, late afternoon and the entire evening). Some of my relatives didn't understand and for a time I was angry. Who are they to judge me and measure my love for my dad with how much I would hang out at the funeral home?I was with him all through his ordeal and seeing him beaten just killed me…I am soo happy for the comforting words my blogger family like you are giving me. Somehow pain is lessened.
Condolences. He is in a better place with not more pain or worries.
I know, Tin. For a time when he was alive and fighting for his life, I wanted him to live. Soo bad. Only when I prayed to the Divine Mercy and said "I Trust In You" was I able to let go…
Cry if you must, if that eases the pain you had inside you.
Let tears carry the longing that you have for the father you love.
I give you a hug if I can to help you relax and feel comfort.
Today the cloud of sadness covers your brightened ground,
but I believe, from the words you have spoken, you are a shiny light itself
that tomorrow you will be shining with your smile.
Your father is in the better days and better place for which some we don't know had envied.
For he is in heaven which is a very wonderful place.
God bless, Marie. My heart is crying with your sorrows but would be willing to smile as soon as you did.
(See 1 Corinthian 10:13)
Oh, Glenda, that is beautiful. Thank you so so much
My condolences sis. I know no words can ease the pain because like you I have lost my father already. It was a very painful moment. Remembering those moment makes me cry over and over again.
thanks, Maye. You are so right…no words can ease the pain…but I am happy in the thought that my ornery old papa must be laughing at what a "crybaby" I have become…
Condolences, Marie. Knowing though that your dad is up there is also a relief than seeing him in pain. Stay strong! *warm hug
Thanks, sis. It is a source of comfort to me that he is now without pain…
my condolences to you and to the entire family, Marie. it's okay to cry, knowing that your dad is in a much better place with your Mom will somehow bring comfort. you now have two angel heroes watching over you and your entire family every single day. God bless you and your family.
Yup, two angels are now looking after me and the family. Thanks a lot, Van!
My sincerest condolences, Marie. He is with God now, and your Mom. Take comfort in knowing that. My thoughts are with you, hugs!
Thanks, Vera. Knowing that people up there are my "kakampi" makes me feel a whole lot better
Oo nga. Ako din, yun ang iniisip ko. I have backers close to God na. 🙂
Sis, I feel for you. I have lost my dad when I was just about to graduate from college. It is good that you were there with him on his last moments. I didn't have that privilege as he died abroad, alone on his bed (he's an OFW). It's true, we cry because in our hearts, we know there will always be a pang of loneliness because of someone's physical absence. I was never one who would show people that I am crying…but when my dad passed away, even if I was just staring into space, tears would just fall.
You need to grieve sis, so just cry if you feel the need to do so. I know that with the support of your family, you will get through your loss and be happy for him that he is indeed in a better place, free from pain and suffering.
You know what I always say to comfort myself? That everyday, I am a day nearer to where my dad is…and someday, I will see him again.
Oh, Aileen, you made me cry all over again! Thanks so much sis. I can imagine how you must have felt…My brother who stayed with dad the whole time he was in the ICU (usually sleeping in his car even if it is raining hard outside because the watcher's room is so cramped) and was sent home to Manila by my dad when he thought he was better missed seeing him alive. I am comforted with the fact that I was able to send him home to God and to follow mom. I told him Go to mom. she is waiting for you. go towards the light. Hayy, I cry a lot. I cried harder when I saw him on the coffin. I cry when I try to lie down on his bed and imagine him talking to me.
my prayers and condolences to you and your family marie. i have both my parents around and sometimes we get into fights that i end up feeling anger and resentment. despite that, i love them dearly and ouldn't bear the thought of losing both or even one of them someday.
i have no idea really how hard it must be for you, losing your hero. i'm praying for comfort and strength for you in this time of grief and for the eternal repose of your pa's soul. GOD bless you always.
You know, Linnor, there are good days and bad days, but I sometimes do feel like crying-anywhere. kaloka. One thing that bothers me kasi is I should have said "I love you"more, did things a lot with him more-you know, those things we regret having not done…until it was too late na…
All wounds heal in time sis…and God is the Great Healer who could fix up the broken pieces if you let Him. It helps to think less of what you have lost and more of what he has gained. Cliche as it may sound, he is in a better place..what better place than to be with God for eternity di ba? Sometimes sis, when I cry, I imagine I am laying my head in His lap crying like a child.
I do, too! And I imagine him laughing and asking me why I am crying when he is with mom na and is not feeling all kinds of pain…
This post made me cry all over again for losing my Papa, 5 years ago. But unlike you, I was in the position of your brother. I was running fast so I could say my final goodbye. But I didn't make it. He did not wait for me.
My condolences and prayers for your family.
Aww, that is sad. My brother was driving home and was still at the expressway when the doctor texted him telling him she is "sorry. Uncle went na…"
Nakakaiyak! Condolence Ms. Marie! He is now on a better place right now. 🙂
Oh my gosh, I'm crying. Cry, Marie! Cry your heart out. But wipe your tears after because your parents are looking down at you. They wouldn't want their little girl crying for long. I'm sure your Dad is in a happier place right now. 🙂
This post reminds me of my Dad, literally I'm crying right now. I was 10 when my Dad passed away, It was hard for me since I'm the eldest and I have younger sister and 4 months old brother. I can't even imagine how hard it is to my Mom. I've seen her struggles, sacrifices. It was HARD! I'm sure your Dad, happy looking at you right now. Looking back the wonderful times being with Dad is full of memories that never fade away.. My condolence to you and your family
My heart was crying not because I have experienced this but because I was touched.
Condolence to you and your family.
I hope everything is okay.
oh…i am shocked, this is a sad news
my condolences ms. marie
Sorry to hear about your loss.. stay strong 🙂
Condolences Miss Marie. I also felt the pain but we know that he is now with the woman she misses the most. Everything will be fine. Stay strong.
I hope you're feeling better now Marie. Don't worry already your Father is already happy with your mom and our Creator.
sorry for hearing this, my condolences marie
I hope you're feeling better now Sis. I lost my Dad when I was still in college. In fact, I didn't see him die. I was in Manila that time as I was studying there. When I got back home, he is already inside the coffin. I cried endlessly. I still have my Mom now and I can't imagine the sadness I would have if I lost her one day. I don't even want to think about it now. Be strong Marie, have faith that one day you will overcome the sadness and what will remain are only the happy memories of your parents. God Bless. 🙂 Hugs
Condolence to you and your family. Stay strong! Your Papa is now in a place where there is no pain and no sorrow. He is in a happy place, but still carefully watching over you day after day.
go ahead and cry. the last thing you need is to have your pain bottled up inside you. my condolences, mommy marie. i know what it's like to lose a family member. the first few months will be very hard. my mom still cries out of blue these days when she misses my brother (he died last november). just dwell on the fact that you now have an angel in heaven looking out for you. i'm sure your dad doesn't want you to be sad for so long.
am a bit teary eyed while reading your post, i agree letting go is something that is not easy to do but in case like this we have to let go.. condolence to your family..
Condolences, Marie. This brought tears to my eyes. I know your Papa is in a much better place now in God's arms and I know also that he would always be missed. hugs sis.
My prayers are with you and the whole family, Marie. Sending hugs your way!
SIs, I'm sorry for the loss. And I'm sorry for being weak and let some tears drop from my eyes. I wish I could hug you for real. =(
Just let yourself go along with the process of grieving. Let time and prayer help you through.
saw the phrase "my hero has fallen down' in the comment sheet and my heart skip a beat, and i suppress a tear while reading this entry. im saddened. cry my dear, it will help you release and let go, itll help u to stay strong for your family and self.
there will be future paradise here on earth, all dead will rise when Christ call upon them, and we will meet them again. <3
Condolence miss marie. Yes, we know that they are in safe place now and still watching you from above as your angel.
Condolence, Marie! Losing my parents is the worst thing that happened to me. I an strengthened at the thought that I survived the worst days with God on my side. Malay natin baka nagchihikahan na parents natin sa heaven. Stay strong. God bless!
Condolence Marie. I know this is such a hard time for you and your family but I hope you'll find strength with everything that had happened. Your Mama and Papa are smiling looking at you from heaven. You now have 2 wonderful angels guiding you and your family.